Shut the hell up and find the hotel!!

So, today I had meeting in Tallahassee and then drove down to Tampa. My lovely co-worker had booked my room at the Hilton Garden Inn Tampa Airport. Nice!
Well, as I'm leaving Tallahassee, I set my lovely British dashboard lady for the address on the confirmation email. She doesn't recognize it, so I spell it 5 different ways...she still doesn't recognize it. So I look at a map and find the cross street. I punch that into Ms. Garmin's face and finally get some assistance. As I'm flying down 98, smiling smugly and thinking, "I grew up in a relatively big city, finding a stinkin' Hilton Garden Inn close to the airport should be no problem", little did I know the HOT MESS that awaited me.
Part of the issue is began somewhere after Homasassa Springs which I once visited as a kid on a family vacation....anyway, after Homasassa Springs, I had to get on 589 which is Suncoast Pkway. My Google map (better safe than sorry I always say) told me that it was a "partial" toll road. I had my $10 bill and was ready to go. So I pull up to the first toll booth and pay my dollar, $1 that's it. GREAT! This is cake and the road is so nicely paved...those were my pleasant thoughts....until 10 miles later I see a sign for the next toll plaza. Hmmm, where's the you-already-paid-10-miles-ago-so-go-on-through lane??? Yeah, there isn't one, so I paid another dollar. Now as a girl from a state that doesn't put much into the infastructure, I had an issue with the $6.75 I had to pay to drive 50 miles on a road, on top of all $20 in Lotto tickets I bought. I mean, don't I get a free pass or something for helping out Florida's children...isn't that what lottery goes for...I don't know, I'm an Alabama kid, with a public education, so I'm not really sure.
50 miles down, $6.75 poorer (oh, and no receipts from the toll booths, so no company reimbursement) and I'm in Tampa. Well, there is road construction and the exit Ms. Garmin insists I get off on, is closed. Where's my $6.75 going anyway??? I pass the closed exit because I'm pretty sure no cop is going to be as intimidated by my British dash-devil as I am and wait for GG (that's short for Genius Garmin) to tell me where to turn. For the next five minutes as I'm driving down I-275, GG is simply saying "Recalculating" over and over again. By this time, I'm doing about 10 miles per hour swerving from left lane to right lane because GG is telling me "Turn Right" "Recalculating" "Turn left in .2 miles".
Finally, I find an exit with a street name I recognize from my trusty Google map. GG recalculates and I decide I'll give her another chance. WRONG move! Picture this: Scared little tear streaked white girl in her rental car in traffic yelling at the piece of technology on her dash driving through an area of town I can only equate to the Ensley area of Birmingham. Yeah, most entertaining to everyone around me.
So after almost chucking GG out the damn window, I call the hotel...I know, I know...should've done this along time ago, but I didn't know where the hell I was and I knew that would be the first question they asked. I get to a street I've been down oh, I don't know, 12 times in 15 minutes and call the hotel. The guy, WES-Savior-of-my-entire-trip, answers and asks me where I am (told ya so!). I tell him and he says, "Oh, just take a left at the light from the street your on and you'll see us on your right." I thank him, hang up, make my left at the light and Ms. Garmin, now known as Beezlebub, is "Recalculating". I decided to check in and just call it a night. Dash-devil doesn't deserve a night on the town and frankly, I don't think my nerves can handle it!


Tiffany said...

LOL! I got lost in DALLAS because of of Mrs. Garmin. It took me through a Chinatown and a Mexicantown...when I FINALLY arrived at my destination (thank God for printers and Google maps) I told them about it...they didn't even KNOW they had a Chinatown...not good.

Never again!

Waugust said...

Of course us dudes never have any of those navigating problems given our God given better sense of direction relative to chicks

(Now where the hell is the "." key on my keyboard? I know it's here somewhere. Maybe I can Google it. Ok I'll put in "." and see what comes up. Damn, nothing! Try "period".

Wikipedia gives me . . .

"Menstruation is the shedding of the uterine lining (endometrium)."

Hmmm, maybe I could ask someone. No way, must keep looking, it'll turn up, it's gotta be here somewhere.)